What is a theory? A theory is an explanation. Why we do
something. Theories are used to explain situations and to guide research that
scientists do. There are thousands of theories but I want to talk about three:
systems theory, Conflict theory, and Exchange Theory. You’re probably wondering
what theories have to do with the family but as we look deeper into each theory
it explains so much about how we act and why we are different depending on what
our families act like.
In a systems
theory there are boundaries, rules, and established roles. If you think about a
family there are different roles: mom, dad, sister, brother, etc. You establish
rules in your family, such as do your chores and homework before you play with
friends, or obey your parents. There are even roles and rules with friends,
roommates, and significant others. I realized this with my roommate’s. You set
rules as soon as you start living with people, such as, don’t eat my food,
don’t touch my clothes, or if you have awesome roommates like me the rules are
way different! You can’t analyze one person in a family because it is a whole
system. If you analyze one person you have to realize that they probably act
that way or talk that way because of how their family acts.
Conflict theory,
what does this mean? That there is always conflict in a family or a system? No.
But it is okay to have conflict. Sometimes the only way to resolve a problem or
to work together is through conflict. In a family or in all relationships there
is unequal power. Everyone is not always satisfied. You know what I mean… Your
sister and brother want to go to one restraint for dinner but you and your
other sister want to go to a different one. One or more people are not going to
be satisfied with the results. We all know things like this happen in a family.
But we still love our family because one conflict doesn’t change that. Conflict
and emotion is okay, we would explode if we never showed our anger or if
everything was perfect.
Lastly, is Exchange
Theory. We are constantly exchanging with groups of individuals around us. We
tend to withdraw if we aren’t getting anything. We want to get at least as much
as we give. We all know the feeling of
giving and serving others and not having them do anything in return. Not that
we need anything in return but if they never do anything for us we tend to want
to do less for them. I know when. In my family my parents do so much for me. I
could never repay them for all that they have done but to even help them with
dishes or laundry or cleaning the house my mom is so grateful and wants to keep
helping me. I’ve had many friendships where I have tried to always give of my
time and service but when I get nothing in return it is so hard to keep giving.
This is the exchange theory. Do unto others as you would want done to you.
Relationships with
your family, friends, significant other, etc. are hard. No one is perfect, but
these three theories should help explain why people act the way that they do.
It is part of life to have rules and roles, to have conflict, and to want to
serve and get service back. Theories and interactions with people go hand in
hand. The most important thing is to remember to always love other how you
would want to be loved.
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