Friday, October 23, 2015

Dating and Marriage

   This week in class we talked a lot about dating and marriage (a common topic at BYUI). If you go or went to BYUI you know what I mean. Dating is brought up in class and church at least once every lesson. One of my teachers ALWAYS has to add in BYU- I do. But its marriage and dating is more serious than that. I remember I was always so nervous to begin dating and to even think about marriage but now I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with the one I love. Why? Because you support each other, you lift each other up, you start a family together, and so much more. Why wouldn't I be excited? To get married you date though. Yes, it is true you do have to date. It may seem scary to many but it is a key factor in finding your spouse.
  DATING IS NOT THE SAME AS HANGING OUT. Many people do not understand this statement, when your going on dates it should not feel as though you are just hanging out with the person. There are 3 P's when it comes to dating. Planned, Paid for, and Paired off. When its planned it means that whoever asked the other out on a date is in charge of planning the date, wether you go have a picnic in Porter Park or you Go play racquetball and get ice- cream afterwards it should be planned. Paid for; this means that whoever was in charge of the date pays for the supplies for the date, such as the food for the picnic or the ice-cream for after racquetball. Lastly, paired off. This does not mean that every date it just has to be a single date, what this does mean is that the people on the date know who they are with and pay special attention to that person. The couple on the date don't have to like each other or even love each other but they do need to pay attention to their date and know that they are together for the date. This is the opposite of hanging out.
  Hanging out you don't have to have anything planned because you could just be sitting at their apartment and making last minute plans. You don't have all the sup pies paid for most of the time because you don't know what you are going to do. And pairing off in a group that's just "hanging out" is uncomfortable and it usually feels as if their is competition when there are multiple people. Dating is the best, especially when you find the right person and you go on dates and its planned, paid for, and paired off. Guys, take girls out on dates, do not just ask them to hang out. When you ask just to hang out it puts the girl in a weird position because they don't know wether its a date so you'll plan and pay or if it is just hanging out and you will pay for your own things. Girl's, this goes for you as well. Also always except another guys offer to take you on a date. Who knows, maybe its your future husband? But most importantly, have fun with dating, go on some awesome dates, and never forget the 3 P's.
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Thursday, October 15, 2015

Gender Roles and Sexual Identity

  This week we talked about gender roles and Same- sex attraction in my Family Relations class. As I thought about my family I thought about the gender roles that I've seen in my life.I come from a very traditional family where the gender roles are pretty traditional. In a discussion board about my feelings for class I wrote, "My dad is the main provider for my family and my mom stayed home with the kids till we were all in school. They both played many roles in my family however, my mom ran a preschool in our house to help support my siblings and I in missions and college. My dad was also a nurturer as well as a provider. There were many Sunday’s where I would sit down with my dad and talk about my life and how its been going and he some of the best advice I’ve ever gotten (he also gives some of the best hugs)". This is what I thought of when I thought of the gender roles in my parents. 
   In my family I have 2 sisters and a brother. My brother grew up around girls, yet did not become attracted to the same sex because he participated in "girl activities". This was one thing that really stood out to me in my class. We talked about how nowadays if a boy plays with dolls or likes to cook or dress nice they are seen as "gay" or if a girl hates shopping and likes to do guy activities that she wants to be a guy. Why are we so accustomed to putting labels on everything? 
  One thing that really stood out to be this week was how most people believe the myth that "Gay people are born that way or its in their genetics". This is a myth. If you look at studies and research no one has actually found that this is true. In a video we watched this week many of the men said that they found they were attracted to the same sex when they were molested by another man or when they watched porn. This is when they "turned gay". I have examples I have seen in my life of people who were raped/molested and then identified themselves as gay. 
  It is scary to live in a world where everyone thinks that being gay or being transgender is the new thing, that everyone should agree with. I believe that our Heavenly Father created us and sent us to earth to live in families and create families through bonds of marriage between males and females. We are the gender we are suppose to be. Each and every gender has something to offer. Everyone is important. 
 
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Friday, October 9, 2015

Family Cultures

   What is the definition of culture? Culture is the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group. It is the values and beliefs or a group of people. Everyone comes from different cultures and has their own family culture. In my family culture we are all really close. I have about 40 cousins on my dad’s side of the family and know each one of them. We have huge reunions and have family newsletters every 6 months or so. Even though my immediate family lives in Washington and most of my extended family lives in Utah or Idaho we still plan trips to visit each other and try to make it to significant events such as weddings and missionary homecomings.
   Every one has different family cultures and family cultures can change depending on where life takes you, if it be a family member passion away, you getting married, or starting a family. Family cultures include what family traditions you have. When I think of family traditions I think about holidays and big events. In my immediate family only one brother is married but it will change when everyone is married and they start their own traditions family culture changes. It is a really good thing to have traditions that we can pass down to our children and can include new traditions when we get married.
  You borrow traditions from others; you see how their family culture is and how you can incorporate some of what theirs is in your traditions. There are many aspects from my immediate family that I want to keep. I want to install hard work and motivation in my children. I want my posterity to value education and to value religion. One aspect that was really important for my immediate family is the importance of education. Before coming to BYUI I was able to go to my community college and get my AA and I learned so much from doing so. My 3 siblings before me had done this as well and had instilled in me the importance of getting schooling done and working harder when it comes to getting an education.
  Every one has different aspects of their family that they want to keep or maybe get rid of when they start their own families. Most people have traditions that they would love to keep and to bring into their new life but some would love to get rid of them and start new ones. This has to do with family culture and how it can change and you can have a new family culture when your life begins to change.






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Friday, October 2, 2015

Family Theories

   What is a theory? A theory is an explanation. Why we do something. Theories are used to explain situations and to guide research that scientists do. There are thousands of theories but I want to talk about three: systems theory, Conflict theory, and Exchange Theory. You’re probably wondering what theories have to do with the family but as we look deeper into each theory it explains so much about how we act and why we are different depending on what our families act like.
    In a systems theory there are boundaries, rules, and established roles. If you think about a family there are different roles: mom, dad, sister, brother, etc. You establish rules in your family, such as do your chores and homework before you play with friends, or obey your parents. There are even roles and rules with friends, roommates, and significant others. I realized this with my roommate’s. You set rules as soon as you start living with people, such as, don’t eat my food, don’t touch my clothes, or if you have awesome roommates like me the rules are way different! You can’t analyze one person in a family because it is a whole system. If you analyze one person you have to realize that they probably act that way or talk that way because of how their family acts.
    Conflict theory, what does this mean? That there is always conflict in a family or a system? No. But it is okay to have conflict. Sometimes the only way to resolve a problem or to work together is through conflict. In a family or in all relationships there is unequal power. Everyone is not always satisfied. You know what I mean… Your sister and brother want to go to one restraint for dinner but you and your other sister want to go to a different one. One or more people are not going to be satisfied with the results. We all know things like this happen in a family. But we still love our family because one conflict doesn’t change that. Conflict and emotion is okay, we would explode if we never showed our anger or if everything was perfect.
   Lastly, is Exchange Theory. We are constantly exchanging with groups of individuals around us. We tend to withdraw if we aren’t getting anything. We want to get at least as much as we give.  We all know the feeling of giving and serving others and not having them do anything in return. Not that we need anything in return but if they never do anything for us we tend to want to do less for them. I know when. In my family my parents do so much for me. I could never repay them for all that they have done but to even help them with dishes or laundry or cleaning the house my mom is so grateful and wants to keep helping me. I’ve had many friendships where I have tried to always give of my time and service but when I get nothing in return it is so hard to keep giving. This is the exchange theory. Do unto others as you would want done to you.
  Relationships with your family, friends, significant other, etc. are hard. No one is perfect, but these three theories should help explain why people act the way that they do. It is part of life to have rules and roles, to have conflict, and to want to serve and get service back. Theories and interactions with people go hand in hand. The most important thing is to remember to always love other how you would want to be loved.

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Friday, September 25, 2015

Why are families so important?

   To start out my blog about families I think the question "why are families so important?" should be the first discussion. Why are families important? Why do we need families? Instead of just using my own thoughts about why family is so important I looked this question up on google and the first link was "why is family so important to mormon''s" (how fitting). It says, "Our families provide a setting for much of the growth we experience in life. In our families we love, serve, teach, and learn from each other. We share our joys and our sorrows. Family ties may bring us difficult challenges, but they also give us strength and some of our greatest happiness. The family is central to God’s plan for His children. It is also the central unit of society and the means for bringing children into the world where they can be loved, provided for, and taught truth and righteousness. While we cannot choose the conditions of our birth, we can choose each day to make our families stronger and happier. It is possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally". I thought this put everything I was thinking into a better paragraph than I could have. To me family is the most important thing. Everything this paragraph says is truth and family is essential and we need our family to grow and to be with our Heavenly Father again some day. 
  I truly believe that life's greatest joy is family.We learn together, grow together, go through the best of times and the worst of times together. But no matter what, family is always there for you. I personally think that I have the best family (Yes I am biased). I grew up in a home with a mom and a dad, 1 brother, and 2 sisters. I was the youngest of 4 and I loved it. Every time my family grows I feel so blessed. When my brother got married I gained the most amazing sister-in-law and have the cutest niece ever, with another niece or nephew on the way. I didn't know how much joy and happiness being an aunt could bring me. I didn't know it was possible to love people as much as I love my family. We have gone through everything together. I have come to realize that we need families because we need people we know will always be there for us on our best days and our hardest days. Family is key to a happy and an eternal life. I am so grateful to know that I can be with my family forever. I can't imagine not being with my family for the rest of eternity. I cannot wait to be able to me married and sealed to my future family for time and all eternity. Life gets hard, things happen, people change, and life will throw you curveballs but family will never change. I love my family and I know that families can be together forever. 
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Thursday, September 24, 2015

Here are some of my classmates blog's about families that you should check out! :)
https://lifestooshorttomatchyoursocks.wordpress.com/
http://thoughtsofachilddevelopmentmajor.blogspot.com/
http://ashley12judy.blogspot.com/
http://whatgodhathjoinedtogether.blogspot.com/
http://fromthehearttohome.blogspot.com/
http://familymattters.blogspot.com
marsbrasga.blogspot.com
https://jordannewalker.wordpress.com/
kelloggkaylee.blogspot.com
cayleybarton.blogspot.com
www.3N513.Weebly.com
kiamd.blogspot.com
http://theohanastudies.blogspot.com/
http://karenxlozano.blogspot.com
http://momentscreatememories.blogspot.com
kiamd.blogspot.com
http://kahangturangpamilya.blogspot.com
www.nonoblerwork.wordpress.com
https://ktbzn.wordpress.com/
http://familylearnin.blogspot.com
http://familyistheanchor.blogspot.com/
laceyturpin.wordpress.com
melissalovesfamily.blogspot.com
happinessthroughfamilies.blogspot.com
mccallsreasons.blogspot.com
www.raquelvillafuerte.wordpress.com
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Friday, September 18, 2015

About me!

Hi Everyone! My name is Miranda Mortensen. I'm currently a student at Brigham Young University-Idaho and I'm majoring in Special Education. I have created this blog for my Family Relations class to engage readers in conversations about the family, stories from my childhood, and thoughts and ideas about what family truly is. I look forward to hearing your comments and hope you enjoy what I have to write!  
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